The dance of relationship
Dance Your Way Into Marriage
I often joke with my couples that your dance lessons can be more like dance therapy because relationships and love are a dance…learning how and when to lead and follow, how to communicate with each other, how to let go, trust, be in the moment, and how to move together and stay connected. The skills you learn through dance lessons will last a lifetime and what better way to celebrate your love then by learning to dance together!…
My husband knows how to dip me and spin me around and around!
He knows how to do this well because he has learned how to hold me, lead, and support me-and I have learned to let him! He knows how to make me laugh and he helps me to not take myself or life too seriously.
He is not a professional dancer-he is a scientist. But this science minded, football loving husband of mine steps up to the field once a month and helps me (his dancer wife) teach a Salsa dance class for couples. He says that he is just my prop on the dance floor-but he is so much more than that. He is my anchor, he is my solid rock, my lover, my friend, my adventure buddy, the father of my child and he is my dance partner.
I have had to learn to let him lead. As the dance instructor, this has been a hard lesson for me. Though this is one of the core principles that I teach my couples to practice-I have had to learn this in my relationship, so I can walk the walk (or dance the dance!)
There are so many parallels between partner dancing and intimate relationships. Some lessons I’ve learned since marrying my husband 3 years ago...
We’re both natural leaders and can have trouble following so the dance of our relationship often involves passionate communication about how to take turns leading and being led. In other words we both need to know when to let go of control, have faith, trust in each other, our deep love, and our ability to work through challenges. We often have to negotiate decisions-big and small-from dinner choices to finances and parenting. What we’ve found over the 9 years we’ve been in relationship is that really listening to each other, being curious, and asking questions helps us find a path toward a solution.
When I work with couples the biggest theme that emerges is one of allowing your partner to lead, trusting each other to do your part, and not stepping on each other’s toes. You have to be very present, listen to the subtle nonverbal and verbal cues from your partner in order for the dance to flow.
Humor and letting go of control and perfectionism help the process.
Being gentle with yourself and your loved one is a valuable and integral lesson in relationship and dance.
Being courageous and trying new things, yet tempering unrealistic expectations is key. I’ve noticed that the couples who tend to enjoy dancing together the most are not afraid to laugh at themselves and don’t take themselves or life too seriously. In short-they have FUN!
Life is too short to sweat the small stuff-though there might be some sweating on the dance floor,....remember it is just a dance.
-Lindsay Miller Stokes, The Wedding Choreographer